ENGL147 Week 5 | General English in English - Chamberlain university

Question 9

2 / 2 pts Which of the following represents the most effective “going from good to great” revision approach to the following sentences that appear in the middle of a paragraph and that use source material? Original sentences before revision: However, experts do hold differing opinions about breast feeding. For example, Smith (2018) asserts that it is not possible for babies to receive the range of nutrients in breast milk in any other food source. While the nutrient argument is valid, we simply cannot control what mothers put into their bodies, which makes formula a much more stable food source. Revised sentences: For example, Smith (2018) asserts that it is not possible for babies to receive the range of nutrients in breast milk in any other food source, but Bakker (2018) suggests that while the nutrient argument is valid, we simply cannot control what mothers put into their bodies, which makes formula a much more stable food source. Revised sentences: For example, Smith (2018) scores big points when he asserts that it is not possible for babies to receive the range of nutrients in breast milk in any other food source, but Bakker (2018) ridiculously suggests that while the nutrient argument is valid, we simply cannot control what mothers put into their bodies, which makes formula a much more stable food source. Revised sentences: For example, experts disagree about best breast milk. In agreement with my thesis, Smith (2018) and Bakker (2018) say that formula is the best choice. Revised sentences: However, experts do hold differing opinions about breast feeding. I do not, for example, feel it is possible for babies to receive the range of nutrients in breast milk in any other food source, but while the nutrient argument is valid, we simply cannot control what mothers put into their bodies, which makes formula a much more stable food source (essays.com). We should avoid “I” and any essay website. When revising, we want to focus on the ways in which our voice leads into source use and in which our voice synthesizes sources to make our own point or to illuminate points.